


On the outside looking in

by char_lotteral



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Modern AU, Naruto's pov, One-Sided Attraction, pure angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:22:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28666926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/char_lotteral/pseuds/char_lotteral
Summary: A smile and just like that, he's fallen. Hard.Until realization hits him and forces him to wake up.She isn't his and she probably never will be.So, he moves on and copes with it. At least, he tries to.
Relationships: Hyuuga Hinata/Uchiha Sasuke, Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 77
Kudos: 117





	1. He's lucky to have you

**Author's Note:**

> If you dislike seeing Naruto and Hinata NOT be together, this story is not for you. Please don't attack me for writing a story that I genuinely enjoy writing. I worked really hard on this :)) So yeah, please enjoy!

The first time they met it was an epiphany

Light skinned, platinum eyes and deep blue tresses that reminds him of the ebony sky on a silent, dimly night.

Once, twice; his heart skipped. Too dumbfounded for words to come out. With a tight-lipped smile and an unsteady voice, he reaches out his hand and greets;

"Naruto Uzumaki. It's nice to finally meet you"

She clasps his hand and he couldn't help but notice how perfect she fit around his own.

"Hinata Hyuga. It's a pleasure to meet you too."

If he thought she couldn't have been any more beautiful; her smile proved him wrong.

A second or two passes yet his eyes never left hers, even for an inch. He beams his sheepish grin and endlessly fidgets on the spot. His chest accelerating faster than the speed of light.

He had never been a firm believer of love at first sight, but now, seeing her in front of him, she proves him wrong yet again.

"Hn, I'm glad you two finally met. I hope this dumbass doesn't weird you out"

Without warning, his fantasies dissipate almost instantly.

In front of him, Sasuke plops his free arm around her shoulder as the blushing girl beside him ducks her face beneath the frame of her bangs, embarrassed by his public display of affection.

He too, was appalled by his friend's bold declaration. Naruto never pegged Sasuke to be the openly affectionate type, especially towards other people.

He never pegged him to be a person with emotions, at all.

He had also learned a new thing that day; apparently, you could fall in love with a stranger in one exact second, and have your heart completely shattered the minute later.

“This was the girl I told you about, the girl I met at the library.”

The library, huh. Makes sense for two quiet, introverted human beings to meet in such a secluded place. He suddenly wishes he visited the library more often.

“Quit drooling, you’re embarrassing.” He deadpans, huddling her smaller frame closer to his chest.

Instinctively, he wipes the bottom of his lip, expecting to find a drop of saliva drooping from his mouth, to which he discovers that his lips were, in fact, dry.

Seeing this, Hinata chuckles at his futile attempt and he immediately wishes he hadn’t heard her at all.

Her laugh was the first thing you’d hear on the radio on a quiet, Sunday morn. The calming music that would echo all throughout the busy early hours. A song that would get so easily stuck in your head, leaving you with its memorable tune for the entire day.

This only made things harder for him.

***

The second time they met it was an accident.

He was heading out to buy groceries for his roommate. He skids through the market and was now at the farthest end of the produce aisle, hoping to find tomatoes to satisfy his antsy best friend.

He reaches in to grab at least a handful of them, when suddenly a tinier hand sheathes around the tomato before he could. He was about to protest and use Sasuke’s bastard attitude as leverage against his rival, however, as soon as he looks up, a set of familiar platinum eyes catches him off guard.

And there it was again. That drumming in his chest.

 _Calm down,_ he thought. He had absolutely no right to feel this way.

This was Hinata he was talking about. His best friend’s Hinata, not _his_ Hinata.

“Naruto! It’s been a while!” Hinata exclaims, beaming at him with that elegant smile of hers. That smile of hers that soon would be the death of him.

She eyes their target on the counter and raises an eyebrow, deducing. “Let me guess, you’re buying tomatoes for Sasuke as well?”

He nods, impassively. So, their meeting had yet been another coincidence, with the sole reason behind it, being Sasuke once more.

How convenient.

“I was going to pick up some tomatoes for this sandwich that I’d send in to his office. It’s a… um surprise actually.” Faint pink tints her cheeks and at the sight of this, his chest tightens, his heart threatens to jump out of his ribcage like a feral imprisoned.

 _Seriously, you need to calm the fuck down_ ; he berates himself yet again. He hardly knew anything about her, he barely knew her at all.

She was a complete stranger, simple as that.

Well maybe, not a _complete_ stranger. Obviously, she’s Sasuke’s—

“D-do you think it’s too much?” She questions, the pinkness on her features only becoming more vibrant.

The lump in his throat becomes harder to swallow, an unbearable fist squeezing his heart.

Suppressing the hurt, he voices out. “Nah, I’m sure he’ll love it. That’s pretty cute actually.”

He tries not to think about how she smiled at his response. Or how extremely pretty it looked.

He tries not to think about her at all.

***

Unfortunately for him, they met more times than necessary.

Was it unfortunate? He sure as hell didn’t feel like it.

Ever since they started dating, she visited their apartment more often.

More often than he would’ve liked but who was he to complain. He had no claim over her. He didn’t even have a say about her.

He was just _there._

However, throughout their meetings, they bonded more, talked more, played together a couple of times, eventually got to know each other on a comfortable level. A level where he could finally label himself as her _friend._

They hung a lot more, too. Maybe not as much as her and Sasuke, but at least they were close. Better than nothing.

It was nice. Spending time with her was nice. She was fun to talk to and whenever they engaged in conversation, they’d slip into hours and hours of mutual agreements and opinions on their favorite movies, favorite songwriters, numerous anime series recommendations, they even shared the same view on how Ramen is the best damn dish in the entire world.

He was in love.

 _Scratch that._ He wasn’t allowed to be _in love._ His best friend already had dibs, and the last thing he wanted was to have his throat slit open.

Who was he kidding anyway, the only time they even got to spend time together was when she was here at their apartment; visiting _Sasuke._ He tries to ignore their heated gaze once in a while and how Sasuke would so casually slip his fingers in between hers, or how they’d give each other little pecks in front of him, but it was all good really. He’d been thirdwheeled before. Even he sometimes brought girlfriends to their apartment in the past.

He also tries to ignore the ache in his chest, but he’ll deal with that later.

***

It’s been 6 months since they first met. 6 months since they were introduced, which means it’s been 6 months since _they’ve_ started dating, too.

He gets to their apartment quicker than anticipated, a bit excited since he heard Hinata was coming along again. Not surprising really, they were about to celebrate their 6th monthsary since they officially became a couple.

Maybe a bit cheap for Sasuke to want spend their date at home, rather than in a fancy restaurant, so he could spoil her rotten with all the grandeur, but he doesn’t say this out loud.

If it were _him_ though…

“Yooo, Sasuke. I’m homeee—”

As soon as he swung the door open, there they were, happily laying in each other’s arms.

…Well, _laying in each other’s arms_ wasn’t really how he’d describe their situation. More like, shoving her up the wall with his pants unbuckled and her tiny figure being planted against him. Their hair looked unkempt and the breathiness in their voices definitely did not go unnoticed.

Ohhh, so _that’s_ why Sasuke brought her home.

“Dude! What the fuc—”

“Ah… I’ll let you… continue where you left off...” Nonchalantly, he closes the door in front of him, careful to not mess everything up any further.

“Oh yeah, and word of advice; lock the doors next time. Wouldn’t want your parents walking in on ya in the middle of your fucki—”

“Get out!”

_Slam!_

Well then.

How bad would it be if he were to gauge out his eyes with a hunting knife then douse it in bleach?

Walking in on their _activity_ wasn’t even the worst part about that awkward situation.

It was seeing _her_ being fucked senseless right in front of him.

The number of times he’s pictured that version of her in his head could put Sasuke a run for his money.

How often had he envisioned those half-lidded eyes beg him for mercy, and have her pillow soft lips ravage him hungrily. He’d be lying to himself that he’s never dreamed of those _bountiful mounds_ suffocating his face. The taste of her creamy skin haunting his nights and leaving him awake for most of his sleep. Oh, how he’d do anything to have those tender, curvy thighs be wrapped around _his_ waist while he’d slide in and out of her. And she’d be all his. All his. All _his._

He’s lost in himself as he visualizes that arousing scene he walked in on. Minus Sasuke, of course. Instead of his bastard friend, it’d be him to plant her up against the wall and it’d be _his_ name she was screaming. _His_ body against hers.

Guilt doesn’t even surface in his conscience as he relentlessly rubs his member for the second time that night.

He’s getting worse.

***

3 months after that _incident_ and they have their first fight.

He pretends to not act happy about this, because what kind of godforsaken friend would be happy about his friends fighting?!

Sasuke doesn’t even bother opening up to him no matter how many times he tries to pry. He’s been friends with him for too many years already, Naruto practically knows him like the back of his palm.

Seeing as how he wouldn’t budge any time sooner; he then moves to his next option.

Person no. 2

He pretends not to be excited about it.

“I-It’s just, I… h-he…”

Another thing he’s learned about Hinata for the past months, is that she stutters, a lot. Usually in situations she feels nervous in. Like now.

He honestly doesn’t like shoving himself into other people’s business but these were two of the most important people in his world. He just couldn’t lay there and do nothing. Volunteerism and selflessness were always a few of his proudest character traits.

Not to mention, Sasuke was getting more annoying than usual. He spoke less and less to him these days; he wouldn’t even have the energy to call him out for his bullshit.

Despite the uncontrollable feelings he harbors for his best friend’s girlfriend, he still values his friendship more than anything in this world. He was his first bond, his first family. He simply couldn’t let him down.

He’d never let him down.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay if you don’t feel like talking right now. You’re not obligated to. I just thought you needed a shoulder to cry on, y’know? Sasuke can be real stubborn sometimes, but I can assure you. Whatever that asshole did to you, he loves you, I can promise you that.”

He blurts out that last line a little too forced.

Almost immediately, she bursts into tears and sheaths her eyes against the fabric of his sleeve. Her shoulders bob up and down to the rhythm of her muffled cries and he couldn’t help but feel his heart sink.

Seeing her cry hurt him in more ways than one.

It was as if all those years of friendship were thrown out the window once he heard her cry more and more.

Honestly, screw that bastard! Who the fuck would hurt Hinata this way?! _Why_ would you even have the audacity to hurt an angel like Hinata, in the first place?!

If only it were _him_ ….

“I h-had a friend in t-town who just came by to v-visit and well…” She speaks up in between her sniffles. Her nose is red and the corners of her eyes are flushed. Not really a good time to think about this but she looks really cute when she cries. Like a little puppy.

“Yeah? Then what?” The proximity between them is dangerous but all he knows is that she needs comforting and that he’s here to help.

She sniffs once more. “H-his name is Sh-Shino and um well, he’s a childhood f-friend of mine. He came here and I-I decided to t-take him around town. I just… wanted him to enjoy his stay here.” 

“So, I guess Sasuke got jealous?”

She nods dejectedly.

Well look at that. Who the fuck would’ve guessed that his emotionless best friend was actually capable of _emotions?_ And jealousy, no less. He’s seen him fool around with some other girls a few times before but everything always ended the exact same way. Either Sasuke would cut the strings off between them or he’d casually ghost them, as if she never even existed.

That’s how big of an asshole he was.

But now… His bastard of a friend was actually _jealous._ If he’s jealous, this means he _cares._ And if he cares, then that means… he must be... really serious about her.

Granted, jealousy is definitely not an attractive trait for relationships and that you should never let your insecurities cloud your trust for one another.

But the fact that he actually has the energy to feel possessive over someone, that he wouldn’t want to see her end up with somebody else besides him… actually means something.

His best friend was in love.

And he can’t help but feel happy for him.

“I mean I don’t blame him”

As soon as she heard him, her eyes shot wide in disbelief, disapproval written all over her face.

“Oh, c’mon. Look at you! You’re cool as fuck. And if _I_ were Sasuke, I’d have my guard up all the time. Wouldn’t want anyone stealing you away from me, that’s for sure.” He masks his desires behind Sasuke’s name, careful to not be too obvious.

Suppressing a blush, she pouts at his statement. “That doesn’t give him the right to get angry at me though.”

“Did he reprimand you from seeing Shino?”

“N-not exactly.”

“Did you tell him ahead that you were gonna take Shino around town?”

“Well, no. B-but…”

“So, he just randomly saw you on the street, with a guy he’s never seen before?”

Her head droops lower, and desolation floods her countenance. A deep breath and two, then she lifts her knees up to bury her face.

“I w-wish he’d answer my calls though, so I could explain everything. I just miss him… so much.” She says the last sentence in a half whisper. And he pretends her words didn’t gnash a deep cut in his chest. He reminds himself he wasn’t allowed to feel this way, that his feelings weren’t valid, that this pang wasn’t even supposed to exist. She wasn’t his and she’ll probably never be. So, he plasters on a lively smile and rubs her back like the good, honest friend that he is.

“Think of it this way; so, you’re here in town, casually going about your day, without a single care in the world. And then you see him. At the side of the road. With an anonymous girl clinging onto his side. Without your knowledge. What do you do?”

He didn’t mean to sound so blunt nor was it his intentions to hurt her. He just wanted things back the way they were, with them smiling the way they used to or hanging out the way they always do.

Her face looks even more sullen and it’s as if he’s done the worst thing in the world. Quickly retracting his statement, he comforts her once more and treats her with utmost delicacy, showering her with words of encouragement and advices.

A few hours passed and after endless streams of tears, rants, and comforting, Hinata picks herself up and beams at him with that gorgeous smile that sends his heart racing with just the sight of it.

“You okay?”

He rubs her back in gentle strokes once more, never once leaving her side.

In all his 25 years of existence, the universe has thrown him endless plot twists, one after the other, blow after blow, twists he’d never see coming. He’s gotten so used to disappointment, that this is probably why he wasn’t all that surprised when he found out he was in love with his best friend’s girlfriend.

What he _wasn’t_ expecting, was her arms wrapping around his torso in a warm hug and that innocent kiss on his cheek, followed by kind words of gratitude coming from her lips.

A smile and just like that, he’s fallen. Hard.

And he has absolutely no intentions of picking himself back up again.

***

Officially one year has passed since they met and he couldn’t be happier.

His friends are happy in love, and he was happy to support them. So as long as his best friend was happy, so was he. Though, this _yearning_ in his heart hadn’t been completely patched up, but he’ll get there. Maybe not now, but someday soon. He’ll get there.

He realizes that he’s never felt this elated in all his past years, and he swears that absolutely nothing wrong could ever get in the way of this blissful revelation of his.

At least, that was until Hinata had invited him out for lunch. In secret. Without Sasuke’s knowledge.

It would only be the two of them, in the middle of a restaurant. Only him and her, no Sasuke. Just _them._

The beating in his heart becomes erratic, that it’s almost impossible for him to breathe. It pulsates in his ears, his chest, and an all too familiar stirring drives him crazy. His imagination runs wild with these different scenarios playing and replaying in his head, and for the first time in what feels like forever, he’s… excited.

Should he tell his best friend about their secret meet-up? Should he be the good guy and just reject her offer? No, that would be to rude, even for him. And she especially told him not (as in whatever circumstance may come his way) to absolutely _not_ tell Sasuke about this.

He’s on cloud 9 and he wants this, he wants to try it out. To test the waters and see where all of this might lead to next…

He arrives at their destination, a little earlier on schedule, but he can’t contain himself. The thumping in his chest becomes too unbearable as he waits and waits for her to arrive.

A whole afternoon of her time, a whole afternoon of looking at her, talking to her, _being_ with her. Though a whole afternoon definitely does not suffice the aching in his chest. He wants more, it’s selfish, but he wants more; more time, more of her, more of _them_. He wants her and her alone. All for himself, all for him to spoil and hug and have…

No, this isn’t right. He has no _right_ to feel this way. She’s Sasuke’s and he’s Sasuke’s _best friend._ She isn’t his, and she never will be. She’ll never—

“Naruto! I’m so glad you’re here!”

She arrives in the diner looking insanely beautiful in her pinafore dress and dusty purple turtleneck. Her hair is tied in a low bun with dangling crescent earrings, giving him a perfect view of her angular jaw and that creamy pale skin of her neck. He wonders how beauty like hers can even exist.

He wonders if he’s even allowed to gawk at her like this, at all.

Snapping back from reality, he gets up and pulls the chair opposite from him, gesturing her to take a seat, like the gentleman that he is. They exchange a few greetings and almost immediately engage in light conversations, jumping from one random topic to the next.

It’s always like this with her, it’s as if he’s talking to his other half, another version of himself. The comfortable atmosphere lingering around them, the genuine smile he has on whenever he’s with her, the hearty laughs she rewards him from his lame jokes and that warm, soft elation flooding his chest.

This. This is why he wants her; this is why he wants _them._ Whenever he’s with her it just feels _right._ As if everything is where it should be, where it all needs to be. This warmth, this happiness, this _feeling_ he just cannot ignore. He realizes that he wants this, he wants this more than he thinks.

“So, um… about w-why I called you here.”

Shit. There it is again _._ That ridicuous thumping in the strings of his heart. That painful knot in his chest. The inability to speak, think, or even breathe. His hands get clammy and his knee bounce from the tension. It’s funny, the things she does to him. 

“Yeah? You know you can talk to me.” Breathe, breathe, he reminds himself. His collar feels tight and his ribcage is crushing his lungs.

“I’ve actually w-wanted to tell you this for a _reallyyy_ long time n-now, and um…”

Her stutters. So, she’s just as nervous as he is. Huh.

“Hey, you don’t have to be shy, whatever it is you’ll tell me, I’m all ears. I’m right here. Believe it.”

The air is thick, his head feels light and the pounding in his chest just won’t stop. She’s suffocating him and she doesn’t even know it. He doesn’t realize this either but he’s unconsciously getting closer and closer now, he plops his elbow onto the table as an excuse to close in the distance between them, he rests his eyes on hers and for a moment, that maybe, _maybe_ , she’s looking deeply at him too. His thoughts are rioting, his lungs are on fire and it takes all his willpower to not grab onto her face and smash his lips against hers.

He wants her. God, he wants her.

“I… um…”

All he needs to know is if she wants him, too. Confirmation, and that’s that. He’ll be hers in a heartbeat.

His eyes don’t leave hers and he traces them down towards the soft curve of her lips, as it taunts him all the way across the table. She parts her mouth for a split second and utters the words he’s been dying to hear ever since he got here;

“… I want to plan a surprise birthday party for Sasuke!”

She rambles this in such a hurry, it takes him a few seconds more to register what she just said.

“Huh?” All sense of rationality fails him.

“I want to plan a birthday party for Sasuke. You know, for this Friday and um, s-since you’re his best friend and all, I’ll need your help. W-would that be too much?”

Oh. _Oh._

He drifts back into reality. “Ohhh, this Friday! Yeah, yeah, that sounds dope but um, one problem though… Ahh, Sasuke doesn’t like crowded places or ya’know; _people_ in general.”

She lightly chuckles at his testament, probably because she knows he’s right. Sasuke is anything _but_ a people’s person. It’s still a mystery to him how he had bagged such a wonderful girlfriend.

“Oh, I would know. That’s why I was kinda worried to talk to you about this. I just thought that maybe we should invite only a fair number of guests to the party. Like a couple of colleagues of yours or, or some friends that you haven’t talked in a while!”

“Hm, I got a few people in mind, what else you got in plan?”

“I also planned on celebrating it at a bar down town. He likes it there, so I’m sure he’ll love it…”

Their conversations flow and a few more ideas spark into mind. The location, the guests, the food, everything they need to plan out for his party. He drinks down the disappointment accumulating in his gut and bites back every ounce of self-loathing he feels for himself.

This had turned a bit anticlimactic than what he had spurred in his head, but life in general had always been a letdown for him. It’s just fuck up after fuck up.

“You really care about him, huh.”

He blurts this out unconsciously and only coming into the realization of how downhearted he sounded.

Her eyes flicker down the surface of the table and that adorable pink glow radiate her cheeks. “I-I do, actually and I just thought he needed a breather for a while.”

It was silent between them for just a short moment until she rose her head and spoke up once more.

“H-he told me about his brother and well…”

His eyebrows pop from the news. It comes to a shock to him because Sasuke never, _never_ tells anyone about Itachi, and the only people who knew about his brother were him and a dozen other people in his high school. He practically erased that bit of his past forever, never to be brought up or to be spoken of ever again.

Knowing he had so openly talked about this to her, makes him realize that Sasuke must trust her so much, that he’d willingly unravel this vulnerable part of him that ceased to exist since so long ago.

She really… she really means that much to him.

“You know, I-I had a brother too. Well, cousin really— but regardless, I still saw him as a dear brother of mine.” Her face grows despondent and he allows her to talk without any disturbances.

“He um, he died in a car accident a few years ago, he died trying to save me and um…” She chokes back a sob and he reaches for her hand to tightly fold it around his. He still doesn’t say anything and lets her confide in him in a way she’s never done before.

“So, in a way, I know how he f-feels, I know how heavy and empty he felt all those years ago and it’s kinda morbid if you think about it, but it’s really… refreshing. It’s refreshing to know that there’s actually someone out there who’s just as broken as you are, and who’s ready to be broken with you _.”_

Her hands feel cold against his own and he tightens his grip around it, reassuring her that he’s here, that she’s safe, that whatever burden that’s been harboring in her chest, he’s ready to take it, he’s ready to hear it.

“Sasuke’s like a breath of fresh air, b-because all my life, I’ve been told to move on, t-t-to forget about it, to, to just _stop_ feeling sad, b-but that’s the point. I-I _can’t_. They tell me to put it all in the past and just—”

“Live with it?” 

He didn’t mean to barge into her story but in the same way she feels about Sasuke, he kinda gets it too.

“People told me the exact same thing when my godfather died. He got shot at the side of the road, ‘cause of all the debts he’d been drowning in.”

“O-oh, I’m so—”

“Nah, don’t be. He was always a stupid old man… but I loved that about him.”

It’s silent for a few more seconds, with the only audible sound was the whirring of the fans and the bustle of the outside. Until he squeezes her closed hand harder and looks up at her with a weary smile.

“So, I know what you mean about Sasuke giving you a breather. I felt the same way about him back in high school. His life was fucked up, my life was just as fucked up and it just, _made sense,_ ya’know? You get to be sad around him and he doesn’t come up with all this bullshit positivity and tells ya things are gonna be better— when in fact, they really aren’t. In the end he’s still a bastard but he’s a really empathetic one, at that.”

This brings a smile to her face and it gratifies him, knowing that he was the cause of something so beautiful. She wipes her tears running down her face, the redness of her nose still visible from her crying.

She looks up at him and beams. “You know, you can call him a bastard all you want, but deep down, I know you care about him just as much as I do, maybe even more.” A smirk stretches her lips.

“Pffft, whaaa. No way, I mean, yeah, we’ve been friends since high school but like, so what? A lot of people are roommates with their high school friends.”

“Mmm, not really.”

He raises an eyebrow at her.

“You know,” She takes her hand from his, and uses it to let her chin rest on top of it. “If I don’t be too careful, you just might steal him away from me.”

They break out into laughter, the tension in the air lifting off of their shoulders. It’s always like this with her, it’s light, calm, refreshing. _A breath of fresh air._ He wants to spoil himself in her, soak in her warm glow and stay there for longer than he wants to. She’s warmth, she’s love, she’s the…

“Sun.”

“Hm?”

Not noticing what he exclaimed out of nowhere, he quickly shakes his hand behind his head and fumbles on his words.

“Err, I mean, you’re like the sun.”

“R-really? You’re giving me too much credit.” She bats her hand in protest, a little blush creeping to her cheeks.

“You are! It’s like, here’s Sasuke, who’s been in the dark for a really long time now, and I’ve been trying my best to keep him out of it, but he wouldn’t budge. So, instead, I just bring in torches to warm up this little dark tunnel of his”

“W-where do I fit into all of this?”

He brings his eyes back onto hers, and holds it, long enough to stop her from letting go. “Life’s been throwing him crap after crap, he just couldn’t catch a break, and now here _you_ are. Waltzing in to his fucked up life, all sweet and compassionate, warming him up and giving him hope. Making him believe that maybe he has a shot at love, after all.”

He hadn’t realized he’s been describing his own situation masking it as Sasuke’s, but this still earns him that gorgeous smile, and by the end of it all, he’s happy.

“I-I’d like to think it’s the opposite really” She laments.

“You’re kidding?! Sasuke? The _sun?!”_ He hadn’t mean to sound so insulting, but it’s just too unbelievable to resist.

She squints at him in distaste. “He doesn’t seem like it, sometimes. B-but the more I spend time with him, the more I get to _know_ him. Like really know him. He’ very blunt and adamant at times—”

“More like all the time.”

Her hand playfully slaps him on the shoulder for cutting her off. “In a way, he stops making me doubt myself. His direct attitude actually helps me mold myself. I love that about him.”

The ache within him quells as he silently listens. He straightens his position on his seat and beams at her with a bright albeit pained smile. A familiar acid burning in his chest.

“He’s lucky to have you.”

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried experimenting with this work. It's my first time writing in present tense and writing angst in general, so it'll be a bit inconsistent at times and maybe a bit wonky or rushed. Idk, I just wanted to try some things out. Please be kind to me lol


	2. Who doesn't love a game of UNO?

Friday came quicker than a jet plane and now here they are, drinking their asses off into the hours of the night

Sasuke definitely looked surprised upon his arrival, that for a short moment; he grimaced at most of the guests, staring them down with daggers in his eyes.

At least, that was until Hinata had came behind him and snuggled her head to the plain of his back, nuzzling her face with her hands wrapped around his waist.

And for a second, for _just_ a second. Naruto saw his best friend _smiling._

Hours later, they partied and danced and drank their sorrows away to the clutches of alcohol. Now too inebriated to materialize anything around him.

The music blared and the effects of the intoxication singed into his veins, now only seeing blurry images hopping about.

Despite the strong influence of alcohol, he could still make out the silhouette of Hinata's midnight hair and voluptuous figure, straddling atop the lap of his bastard friend.

Nothing made sense and nothing mattered, when the only thing in his line of vision was them. Just _them._

He hadn’t noticed the soles of his shoes striding towards their figures or how tight his fists had become. All he could think about was the burn in his throat that had overpowered his brain, and images of them swarming his thoughts, clouding the last ounce of rationality left in him.

“Hey, handsome.”

A sultry voice distracts him from possibly the worst decision of his life and steadily brings him back into the present. He gazes down in order to find the owner of that voice, and his eyes bulge wide at the figure in front of him.

“Hinata?”

A hand snakes into his tux and draws circles onto the hardness of his chest. She presses her body against his own, grinding her waist onto his lower torso. The plump of her breasts soft against him and as she continues to sway her hips, a groan escapes him at the delicious sensation stirring in his pants.

Her body feels unforgivingly good, all traces of sound judgment are immediately tossed out the window as he lifts her tiny frame, and plants her thighs at the sides of his waist, his aching bulge pressing up against the valley of her legs.

For what felt like an hour, their bodies kept grinding against each other, the fabric of their clothes restricting them from the warmth of their skin. Animalistic need surges through him as he pulls down the sleeve of her bodice and strokes the smoothness of her inner thighs, utterly pleased by the goose bumps rousing on her velvet surface.

“Mmmm…patience, handsome. I think we should take this to the bedroom.”

She elegantly drops herself from his body and fondles his raging erection with a light caress of her palm. He bucks at her gesture and an amused chuckle spills from her lips. She drags him by the hand, leading him away from the dance floor, all the way up towards an empty room above the staircase. Her lust filled eyes glued onto his hazy ones, a silent plea of desire lingering in her gaze.

They reach the room and as soon as the door closes, her lips find his almost instantly. He pushes his tongue all the way down her throat, swallowing the addicting taste of alcohol heavy on her mouth. His hands roam all over her, caressing every surface of her body, from the curves and dips of her waist, to the supple plush mounds of her sweet, sweet bottom. They separate for a short second, a string of saliva connecting their lips. She inches her mouth, a breath away from his, impatient and wanting, with a sensual lilt, she whispers in his ear,

“And oh, the name’s Shion.”

***

3 months have passed since that clusterfuck of a night and she still won’t leave him.

So apparently, he has a girlfriend now.

They’re at an outdoor restaurant, with strings of lights dangling above them, like stars aligned in one long stream.

The view is romantic and the music is calming. Everything about this dinner is absolutely gorgeous, all except for this one particular factor that’s been clinging onto his arm since they left that evening. 

“Shion, babe. I can’t eat if you stick to my arm like that.”

Ignoring his plea, she continues to purr on his arm and rubs the surface of her cheek onto the sleeve of his suit.

She sneaks her lips beneath the shell of his ear, and breathes seductively in his ear.

“But babe… you feel so warm. How about we ditch your friends and have fun at my place, eh? I bet you could feed me with something better than dinner.” Her hand strokes his bulge underneath her table, and if he wasn’t inside a restaurant with multiple people around them, he just might accept the offer.

“Ehem”

They both snap back into reality as a firm cough catches their attention. Hinata and Sasuke are on the other side of the table, eating about in a civilized manner, like what _all_ civilized customers should be doing.

“I don’t mean to intrude, Miss Shion but we are in fact, in a public restaurant and places like these require your utmost behavior. I mean, common decency isn’t all that hard to practice, now is it?”

“Hn.”

Upon hearing Hinata’s sensible scolding, Shion straightens herself on her seat and plasters on the most plastic smile he has ever seen. She either notices this or pretends not to; Hinata still beams another forced smile at her.

They converse into the night with little to no more icy arguments between the two. Dinner finishes earlier than planned, however, it was almost as if they were more than ready to put an end to this awkward night.

“You’re not taking me home?” She holds onto his wrist before she enters the taxi cab and shoots him this weird pout, pleading him with puppy-like eyes.

“Ahh… it’s getting pretty late and y-you should go to bed. I’ll pay for your taxi fees, though. To make up for it, how does that sound?”

She pouts even more, this time scrunching her nose from his rejection. Probably an attempt to look cute and seduce him…

He merely reaches in and gives his girlfriend a light peck on the forehead, safely positioning her into the chair of the cab. He offers his money to the driver and they bid their last farewell for the night as the car drifts off into the distance. _Oh, thank God._

“I’ll get the car, you two can wait here.” Sasuke then makes his way to the other side of the road, leaving only the two of them alone, in the front of the restaurant.

For once since they’ve hung out, an awkward silence envelops them for a bit, he doesn’t even notice as his foot unconsciously taps the pavement by the street. His hands are tucked into the pockets of his jeans, fidgeting from the unspoken shrill in the air, and suddenly the collar of his polo feels too tight to breathe in.

“Sooo... you and Shion seem like an adorable couple”

Cutting through the iciness in the air, Hinata speaks up and spares him her charming smile.

He chuckles at her unexpected comment, “I mean, I _am_ adorable, so I get what you mean by that.” In his periphery, she giggles at his bold declaration, hiding her laughter behind the elegance of her palm.

“So pretentious.” She giggles even more.

“If you got it, flaunt it.” With a tippity-tapping of his legs, he flicks his hair to the side, like one of those prepubescent male idols rapping about on camera, earning him yet another one of her giggles. 

Coming to a halt, she rests her hands in front of her waist, the seriousness in the air returning “She can be a bit clingy, though.”

“Damn, I guess my _Uzumaki charm_ might be too much for her.”

“Uzumaki charm?” Her voice sings in disbelief.

“Yup, it’s an aphrodisiac. Always works on the female specimen.” Well, _almost_ always.

This time, she doesn’t even hold back, her shoulders are bouncing, and the lady-like aura she’s been emanating the entire night all wear off as her face practically explodes in mirth.

He, on the other hand, is tuning off everything around him and soaks himself in her warmth and that sweet, intoxicating laugh of hers, a satisfied smile stretching his lips.

He really should stop.

***

“It’s only gonna be 4 days, I won’t take long”

Sasuke takes a step forward and tucks a tendril of her hair behind her hair, he doesn’t make it obvious, but Naruto knows what his smiles look like.

“I’ll miss you” Hinata, too, steps forward and wraps her arms around his waist, in an all too subtle yet affectionate type of display.

“Boooo, you’re holding up the line.”

Annoyed, Sasuke shoots him a look of aggravation, completely breaking the moment between the two lovers.

Though he merely grins at his irritation. “Spending 4 days on your business trip won’t mean you’ll be gone _forever._ ” He chides at the two, as a faint pink blush graces her cheeks, steadily untangling herself from her boyfriend.

“If you do anything stupid while I’m gone,” He eyes his girlfriend in his periphery, and looks back at him, glowering. “I’ll fucking kill you.”

“Looking forward to it.”

***

It’s been at least 2 days since his best friend left for that trip.

Sasuke had always took business trips on a few occasions, so spending the apartment alone wasn’t all that new to him. Plus, he had the complex all to himself, no one to babble about his dirty laundry or the empty ramen cups in their kitchen.

He plops down the sofa, drinking in that sweet taste of freedom and lazes about, the soft plush of the cushions soft beneath his ass.

 _Maybe I should let Shion come over._ His horny thoughts provoke him. He delves for his phone and begins texting away, when in the corner of his eye, there lays a lavender scarf atop his coffee table, tidy and untouched.

He’s seen this particular fabric before and it hits him; that this was a gift Sasuke had given Hinata a few months prior.

Well, this won’t do, he needs to return this scarf to her, stat. Who knows how precious this little memento of her _boyfriend_ is to her. And it won’t take long, he’ll just drop by her place and he’ll be out in a flash. And he’s already invited Shion over, so there’s that.

It’ll only take a few seconds and a short walk, and he’ll be out in her hair in no time.

Right?

***

The walk from point A to point B apparently took longer than he thought.

He arrives at his destination, a bit nervous than usual but he ignores the butterflies.

He has a girlfriend for heaven’s sake. He shouldn’t feel nervous around _other_ girls! His _best friend’s_ girl, no less!

He should go back home, should he go? He really shouldn’t be here, _should_ he be here? This scarf _is_ precious and it _is_ hers, so he _should_ return it. It won’t take too long, only a few seconds and then he’ll go.

It won’t take long, at all. Not at all.

So, with a knock to the door and an edgy smile, he calls out her name and prepares himself for the worst.

A second or two passes by and…

Nothing.

He knocks again.

Still no answer.

Maybe she isn’t home, maybe… maybe this is a sign from the Universe, telling him that he should just _go back_ and _leave._ Because what the hell is he doing in his _best friend’s girlfriend’s_ apartment, on a weekend, in broad daylight anyway?!

Right, her scarf.

He can always give it back to her some other time. Because he should really head back home, Shion might already be there.

As he turns to leave and heads straight towards the elevator, a loud whimper echoes from behind the door. Almost like a fly drawn to the porch light, he inches back towards her apartment door, concern blooming.

“Hinata?”

He calls out her name, realizing that maybe she _is_ home. Worried, he turns the knob on her door and is completely fazed to learn that it hadn’t been locked.

So, she is home.

The whimpers get louder and his worry begins to elevate. Holy crap, if she ended up hurt and he hadn’t done anything to stop it, Sasuke would kill him!

“Hinata?! What’s wrong? Where are you?” Following the traces of her whimpers, this leads him towards her bathroom, an open crack from the door, granting him the slightest of view of the room. He could practically _feel_ the little devil on his shoulder now grinning maniacally.

No, _no._ That is _not_ why he was here. She sounded like she needed help, and help he will give.

Swallowing that heavy lump caught in his throat, he pushes the door in front of him and enters the bathroom cautiously. And as soon as he does, the heady scent of beer and the image of a crying Hinata, sprawled on the floor, elbow propped on the toilet seat, immediately catches his attention.

“Hinata! God, wh-why…” He rushes to her aid, wrapping her arm around his neck, leading her out of the bathroom, the smell of vomit and other foul scents lingering on her shirt.

They reach her couch in no time, resting her lithe frame gently on the cushions. Her hazy lidded eyes meet his for a brief moment, unyielding and drowsy, seeking for something he can’t quite tell. Opal eyes fixated on him, almost deducing.

“…Sasuke?”

This catches him off guard, “N-not exactly, Hina, it’s me, Naruto. I uh came her to return your—"

“Sasuke… I-I miss him…so much…”

 _Miss him?_ Had she been drinking all this time, just to suppress her yearning affections for her boyfriend? But it’s only been 2 days! Not that he’s to judge, Sasuke _is_ her _boyfriend_ so…

“Don’t worry, he’ll be back in exactly two days, he said so himself, yeah?”

Her head shakes in response, “N-no… he’ll never come back. No, n-not anymore.”

 _Never_ _come back?_

“Of course, he is! He promised us two days ago, didn’t he? He told you to stay safe while he’d be gone.”

She continues denying his claims by shaking her head repeatedly, burying her face, her tears, her cries into the palm of her hand.

“N-no h-h-he won’t. Stop s-saying that.” Her voice cracks in the end, the anguish in her words raw and heavy. She cries even more, tears spill from her ducts like unending streams of river and rain, her frame is arched, helpless and small, crying and crying from the unspoken sorrow.

“Hinata, hey, hey. What’s wrong? Do you miss him that much? W-we can call him if you want. I’m sure that can help. Hina, hey, it’s alright.”

Words spew from his mouth, utterly conflicted, not knowing what to say or _do_ in the midst of their situation. He rubs her back, gathers her hair, and whispers words of reassurance over and over again. “He’ll come back” or “It’s only two more days” Yet nothing.

“H-he’s not coming b-b-back.” Her cries aren’t stopping, not even for a second.

 _Why isn’t he coming back?_ “Did… did you two fight?”

“I miss him, S-sasuke. I-I really do”

“…Hina, I already told you, it’s Naruto. Sasuke isn’t here.”

“I miss him, so, _so_ m-much.”

He pushes a tendril of her hair behind her ear to catch a good glimpse of her dismal face, eyes puffy and swollen, tears glistening and cascading down her flushed cheeks.

“Do you mean Sasuke?” He asks, already knowing the answer.

She swallows her mourns, wiping her eyes with the heel of her palm, grief-stricken eyes meeting with concerned blue.

 _“Neji_ …” She whispers. “I-I miss _Neji.”_

***

Hours later, he helped her sober up, buying her aspirins from the pharmacy and grabbing her a change of clothes. He cleaned the mess cluttered in her bathroom, finding a half-emptied bottle of wine beside the toilet and one more bottle in her kitchen.

After hours of cleaning her up, they sat outside her balcony, the freshness of the city air welcoming their lungs, along with the vast urban view of towering buildings, bustling cars and the stretching blue sky displayed in front of them.

A shrilling silence enveloped the two, as Naruto patiently waited for an explanation on why or _who,_ this _Neji_ was.

He knows he wasn’t allowed to pry, he shouldn’t even be here in the first place. But everything's already happened, and he _wasn’t_ leaving her side, not even for a second.

“W-Why are you here…”

She fixates her attention to the view in front of her, a long-gone expression clear on her features

“O-oh, I um I came here to give you back your scarf, you know, the one Sasuke gave you.” He reaches for the lavender scarf and returns it to her, as if holding something precious, fragile enough to shatter, if not treated carely.

“Thank you.” She accepts the scarf with a sullen smile, still disbelieving his kindness “B-but what I mean is, why… are you _still_ here, after I…”

“I couldn’t just give you the scarf and leave,” He turns to her and grins. “Especially how drunk you got, Sasuke would’ve killed me if he found that I left you without even helping.”

“But you’ve helped me, enough… I don’t mean to hog all your time, p-please, you must have a busy day ahead of you…”

“Nah, those spreadsheets can wait.”

Breaking the tension, they chuckle at his irresponsible behavior, giggling comfortably as their laughter wafted in the air. A second or more passed, the echoes of their cheeriness, slowly dissipating, hoisting them back into reality.

He eyes her in his periphery, fighting back a smirk. “You called me Sasuke, when you were still drunk as hell.”

An endearing blush tints her cheeks, as she hides her flustered face behind the wall of her hair.

“You must _reallyy_ miss him, huh.” He teases even more.

Debating whether or not to tell her she mentioned another man’s name, he sneaks a glance at her, noticing anything off about her aura. Until she turns to him with a lopsided smile.

“I do, actually... And I know you’re curious about... the other name that I um mentioned in the middle of my drunken talk.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything, really. I don’t want to pry.”

Her eyes drift downwards once more, the hurt and anguish from before, still broad as daylight. “It’s the least I could do, after I basically forced you to babysit me.”

“Eh, it was the least _I_ could do.” He repeats her word, earning him a smile on her lips.

Huffing deeply, her attention draws back on the view before her, eyes barren and face torpid, she hugs herself tightly, rubbing the bareness of her arms, warming it up from the chill in the air, as a lilac gradient burst in the sky.

The tone of her voice calm and even, she speaks up. “Neji was my cousin, whom I looked up to with great respect. He was more like my brother, really. And well… today marks his 4th anniversary” Her eyes still unwavering, focusing on the twilight canvas. “He was the one I told you about when we planned for Sasuke’s party, the one who ah...”

“No, it’s fine. You don’t have to repeat yourself.”

She nods in gratitude. “A few months before we planned for his birthday, Sasuke and I drove around town towards this place he wanted to surprise me with.”

Patiently, he waits for her to continue, uninterrupted.

“We um… H-he didn’t mean to do it. It wasn’t his fault… But he accidentally drove pass the area w-where my brother; N-Neji and I had t-the…” She blinks back the tears and straightens her back, continuing.

“Being back there… resurfaced a lot of memories... it was like I was in the car w-with _him_ all over again. I couldn’t handle it, that I began panicking and practically begged Sasuke to take me home. He was concerned, of course. And I was guilty for ruining our date, so I brought him out here, and told him... about everything.”

In front of them, the auburn hue of the sun receded into an ashen sky. A significant change of colors splattered vastly.

“He was quiet, as usual. He was _too_ quiet, that I almost thought he wasn’t listening anymore… When I finished, a few more minutes passed and he was _still_ quiet… at least that was until he spoke up and told me about _his_ brother… Since that day, we told each other almost everything. Like an open diary. I hadn’t expected that we’d have a lot of things in common, to be honest... Exactly like what I told you, a few months back. Two broken souls, willing enough to be broken together. Cheesy really.”

“He called me, last night. And we talked for hours and I just kept on debating whether or not I’d tell him about my brother’s anniversary. He was so busy; I didn’t want to intrude.”

“So, I’m guessing you didn’t, judging from how I found you a while ago.” He tries to lighten the mood and looks at her for reassurance.

She chuckles at his commentary. “Unfortunately, no, I hadn’t. I didn’t want to weigh on him while he had an important trip. So, I decided to visit Neji’s grave at dawn and, having the memory of being back there, at _that_ place, awakened something within me. Sasuke not being here made things worse, that I just needed to drown it all out, somehow...”

“By _drown out_ you mean wine and booze?” He teases once more, his eyes focused on the girl beside him.

Now, hearing this, _all_ of this, makes him realize, that Sasuke just might have a soft spot, after all.

A complete fucker to world, but a converted angel for his girl.

 _What a two-sided faced bastard,_ he internally jokes at his best friend.

None of them talked for a moment longer, not one single sound, only basking themselves in the comfortable quiet, and the evening glow, the lights on the buildings now twinkling before them. A city of stars in a concrete ocean of people.

Thinking of ways to lighten the mood, a vibrant red box with colors of yellow, green and blue printed on the cover, catches his eye.

He makes an effort to reach for the box on the corner of her table, and turns to her, excited and bouncing with childish euphoria.

“You play UNO?!” He shrieks a little too happily.

She eyes him suspiciously. “I-I do, actually. My sister gave that to me a while back.”

The glint in his eyes was unmistakable. “Really?! Sasuke _never_ plays with me. He’s such a bore! Can we? Can we?!” Realizing his enthusiasm, he coughs nonchalantly, changing his tone. “I-I mean, if that’s okay with you, of course. N-not like we _have_ to. It’s totally up to you. Like _totally.”_

Feeling utterly embarrassed for blurting out like a child, literally in the middle of her lamenting, he hides his flustered face from her gaze and to his surprise, he hears her laughing incessantly, all too engrossed to even stop.

“Oiii, Hinataaa. It was just a suggestion!” He dismisses her teasings, suppressing his blush while still clinging on tightly to her box of UNO cards.

She waves him off, still laughing nonstop. “No, no. Don’t be embarrassed.” She says in between her giggles. “And don’t worry, I’ll _totally_ play with you.”

His eyes light up with renowned bliss, a sheepish grin breaking out on his face. Like a kid on Christmas.

“Really?!” He reassures, all too happy to even care.

“Yes, really. But I must warn you,” She looks at him, a mischievous intent hidden in her eyes. “I am quite the master player.”

They laugh heartily at her little threat, then begin to engage in heated battle. Playing into the night, card after card, taunt after taunt, they exchange half-hearted insults as the competition begins to spur. Hinata adding 4 more cards to his stack and Naruto ~~purposefully~~ accidentally sneaking a glance at her cards. She scoots from his prying eyes and covers her stack with the lavender scarf. Pouting, he calls her out for her _immature_ behavior and continues the game with newfound determination. 

A few rounds more of wins and loses, Naruto plays his ultimate move, chanting his cards as he throws them down on the pile, one by one, and gloats his victory.

“Reverse card; then stop card; plus 4 cards for you; I choose the color green aandddd, fuck yeah!! I win! Twice in a row!! Who’s the master player now, baby?!!” He pumps a fist in the air, an all too familiar scene with the ending of _The Breakfast Club._

“Wh-whaa?! Y-you cheated!! Twice!! How _dare_ you?”

“How dare _I?_ All I hear is the jealous words coming from a _sore loser_ ” Blowing a raspberry towards her direction, he taunts her with more childish gestures, as she manically laughs at his embarrassing attempts of celebratory wins.

Realizing how long they’d been playing, he eyes his watch and voices out his concern, silently upset that they had to end the night _so soon._ “I-It’s getting late. I should probably go.”

She smiles at him warmly. “I think you should, too. I don’t think I can stand more of your victory dancing, any longer.”

“Hey! My _victory dances_ are awesome!”

Chuckling, they head towards the door, a familiar quiet coating them once more. She thanks him for his kind concern and for helping her out during her inebriation, giving him a patch of cookies as a gift of gratitude.

He thanks her in return, and before he heads out, he turns to her with an unsteady smile and determined eyes.

“You should tell him, Sasuke. About, y’know, what happened today. He’s an ass sometimes and a big workaholic, but I’m sure he’d make time for you. I’m sure he’d do anything for you.”

The acidic burn he hadn’t felt in a while, begins to stir in his chest, but cautiously, he suppresses it down. Now’s not the time.

She stares at him, grateful. “I-I think I will. Thank you, Naruto, really. Despite losing a few rounds, I had fun. You helped me get my mind off of… _some things_. I’ll call him tonight, promise.”

He chuckles at her words of gratitude and returns the sentiment before drifting off. “I had fun, too.”

 _Too_ much fun, apparently. Too much fun for someone who wasn’t single anymore. Too much fun for a guy who already _had_ a girlfriend.

Too much fun for someone like him

Speaking of girlfriend…

Crap. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited: apparently this isn't everyone's cup of tea ^^' if you dislike the idea of one sided NH, im sorry guys, i dont know what to tell you but this story aint for you. I genuinely enjoyed writing this XD so no amount of hate comments will ever stop me. I''ll be updating soon ^-^


	3. three syllables

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you dislike and-- are sensitive to one sided NH, this story is not for you

Shion and him have been dating for almost a year now and things have been looking fairly good for both of them.

It’s a lazy Sunday, so Sasuke and him decided to bring in their girlfriends for movie night at their place. It wasn’t as awkward like those many months before, as everyone seems to have already adjusted to each other’s presence.

Well, almost everyone.

“Ahhh… Shion can we mmm… do this later…I wanna finish the movie and…” His words were stopped in an abrupt halt as she impatiently crashes her lips onto his own. He becomes breathless as she literally sucks in his supply of oxygen from his mouth.

He’s been trying to push her off his lap since the beginning of the movie but it had always been to no avail, with her always effortlessly climbing back atop him, and his friends shooting him uncomfortable looks around them.

“You wanna know what _I_ want?” She says suggestively as she nibbles at the supple flesh of his ear lobe “I just wanna pin you down and climb on top of you, so I can fuck you ‘til—”

“I’m gonna go get us drinks”

Wiggling herself underneath Sasuke’s arm, Hinata perches up from the loveseat and strides towards the kitchen. This then gave him the opportunity to gently straddle Shion away from his lap and pace down the hall in pursuit of her.

“I should um, help her with that. Wouldn’t want the drinks to spill. Be right back.” He then dashes forward, ignoring the frustrated scowl painted on Sasuke’s face. Clearly annoyed for being left alone with his clingy girlfriend.

Too preoccupied in distancing himself from the living room, unbidden, he accidentally bumps into Hinata, causing the drinks from her tray to spill from the impact of their collision. He blurts out an apology and quickly bends down to help with the mess he’s made.

Grabbing a rug from the top of the sink, he then wipes off the leaks of juice that was sprawled all over the damp kitchen floor.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bump into you. I’m such a dolt.”

Hinata then picks up a tissue, drying the surface he’s wiped with gentle strokes of circles. “Oh no, it’s fine, really. We just need to wipe this off and we’re done.”

They continue to wipe the wet spot on the floor and for a brief moment, their fingers brush against each other, electricity jolts through him, from head to toe, the sudden shift in the air becoming too palpitating to even breathe in. He steals a glance at her from the corner of his eye, and he realizes that the distance between them has him drowning in the opalescent pools of her eyes, shimmering underneath the cheap dim light of his kitchen. Staggered by his stiffness, she looks up at him, and for a moment, for _just a moment._

She feels it, too.

This magnetic pull that toys with them every chance it gets. The electricity in the air overwhelming and a force all too powerful to even reckon with, driving them closer and closer to insanity as it reels them in, purposefully ignoring the voice of reason screaming in their heads. His eyelids lower and his lips part, pleasant anticipation budding within him, now only an inch away, a breath away, a mere short second away from unspeakable nirvana …

“I-I should g-get the drinks.”

It was as if a coiled spring shot him out of nowhere, dragging him back into the present where reality laughs at his fantasies. 

“Y-you’re probably right. I… I’m sorry. I um fucked up I…”

“Naruto…” His name slides from her tongue in that dreamy way that only she could conjure.

“Yeah?”

“P-please, don’t tell Sasuke about… what happened... You know how he’s like and…”

He wasn’t expecting that.

“Oh! Crap, of course, of course. I uh, I would never.” He then laughs off the iciness accumulating in the air, the hair on his neck standing on edge.

That all too familiar burn stings the pits of his chest, her words treating an open wound with a pour of alcohol.

“I-I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry. I didn’t…” And with that, she dashes away from him, casually serving out the drinks for all of them to share, as if nothing had transpired in the previous minute.

It takes a few moments more before he follows behind her, and once he’s back, he’s immediately greeted with the image of Hinata pressing her lips against Sasuke’s eager ones, settling herself atop his lap, her arms wrapped around his shoulder, and her eyes dazed in reverie.

Her lips that had only been an inch away from his, now felt like valleys apart.

***

His fingers glide along the smooth plains of bare, silky skin, her lips drinking in that addictive pulse beneath his jaw. He slides his tongue along the column of her throat, down to the tips of her breasts, nibbling the hardened bud of her nipples.

“Ohhhh…”

Her hands tickle the hair on his nape as she pushes him deeper towards her chest, begging him to ravish her even more. Lust slams in his lower regions as her fingers rubs along his length in a steady motion, he lets out a gratified moan from the onslaught of pleasure she’s been rewarding him down there.

He divulges his attention back to the softness of her breasts and squeezes them roughly, pinching her nipples, while he busies his mouth with the other.

“Mmmm… Naruto…”

The breathy call of his name turns him on beyond reason, fuelling him to suckle on her harder, his other finger pinching the peak of her boob with renowned desire. He slowly lifts himself away from her nub and drinks in her sweet aroma with wet kisses along her chest. Guiding his tongue towards her lips, he drowns himself into the wet cavern of her mouth, breathing in her moans of satisfaction.

He slides back down to the pulse point on her neck, pausing for a short moment as incoherent thoughts rage about in the midst of this sweet fucking. Passion and desire the only audible sensation hazing his mind and he’s lost in the high of his arousal.

Lost in the high of _her…_

“Hahh…Hinata…” 

“W-what?”

The fire between them extinguishes instantaneously as the girl beneath him perches up from position, draping her naked chest with the sheets of his bed. Betrayal and hurt raw in her eyes.

“W-what… did you call me?”

Platinum blonde hair cascades on one end of her shoulder, her fingers gripping tightly onto the sheets obscuring her, a look of desolation painted across her face from being internally bruised by the three syllables he had just uttered on his lips.

“Sh-Shion, I didn’t—"

“What did you call me?” Her voice stern and icy. 

He attempts to coax her and gestures towards her quivering figure, but upon close contact, she flinches immediately.

The intimacy from their session all died down in that one second.

A name forbidden, uttered in between the sheets.

Realization hits her like a bullet train on speed, her eyes bulge in astonishment and she cups her mouth as soon as the puzzle pieces connect.

“Oh, oh my God... You, _you_ just said…”

“Shion…”

“Oh my God! Y-you—”

“Shion!”

“...Fucker! You fucker! Y-you’ve been sleeping with her?! Haven’t you?!”

He pauses at her wrong assumption. “…What?”

“I’m right! Aren’t I?! You’ve been sleeping with, with that _bitch!_ That’s... that's why you n-never came back that _one time!_ You were at _her_ place?! Weren't you?!”

White hot anger seethes within him. Her being piss at him, he can tolerate; but her calling Hinata a _bitch_ , presses his buttons in the worst damn way.

“Don’t you dare, call her a bitch. Ever. You don’t know her well-enough; Hell, you don’t know her at all.” Anger clouds his judgment and controls him entirely.

“But I’m right, aren’t I?! You’ve been sleeping around, haven’t you?! Y-You sick fuck!” She relents.

“What?! No! She isn’t like that, _I’m_ not like that! Why the hell do you that I’d sleep with her when she’s my best friend’s—”

“Girlfriend!” She cuts him off and stands off of the bed. “Exactly! S-she’s your _best friend’s_ girlfriend! Making you _more_ of a sick bastard!”

“Shion! I am _not_ sleeping with her! When I went to her place that one time, I wasn't sleeping with her, I was _helping_ her. What kind of bastard do you take me for?!. And Hinata’s too kind to even do that— let alone _think_ about doing that! What the hell is your problem?!”

Her mouth gapes at his heartless words. “ _My_ problem? What’s _my_ problem? _I’m_ the victim here! You have no right to be pointing fingers at me when, w-when _you_ were the one who said _her_ name while we were fucking! How is that _my_ problem?!”

“I-I just, that was just—”

“Just what?! Why’d you say _her_ name then, huh Naruto?! Tell me, why the fuck did you say _her_ name in the middle of _sex?”_

For once in his life, he was speechless. 

Why _did_ he say it?

Was it the high? The yearning? The one-sided affection he had been so longingly starved from?

He’s obsessed and he knows it.

He's in deep, _deep_ trouble and he knows it. 

Prancing around in his bedroom, she ruffles her hair and _thinks. Why the hell would he say her name… Why Hinata, of all people... Why..._

And then it strikes her.

“Oh my God. Oh my fucking God! You’re _in love_ with her! How, _how_ am I so fucking stupid?!”

She exclaims, clapping her hands hysterically as if she had just won the nobel prize. Her smile sharp and psychotic.

“You…” Her breath begins to falter as realization hits her once more. “...Are in love with her.”

His silence was answer enough.

Her broken laugh cuts through the quiet, “A-and here I thought, we were actually happy…”

“Bab—”

“Don’t. Just don’t.”

A tear runs down her cheek and this breaks him in ways he never thought possible “We were about to hit that one-year mark, Naruto. We’ve been dating for almost 12 months already and…”

Her voice cracks and he can’t help but hate himself for hurting someone so clearly innocent. She didn’t deserve this. Didn’t deserve to be treated like some consolation prize or a rebound. No one deserved that. Not her, not ever.

“H-how long… How long have you been…?”

She asks out of nowhere and her question makes him think, makes him process things in the past. He’s already broken her enough, might as well come clean and break her even more.

“…Ever since I met her.”

Her laugh is filled with bitterness and hollow.

He wants to reach out, to say sorry, to apologize and reassure her that things will be back the way they were. Where they’re laughing and smiling and fucking like no one else really matters.

But the jig is up, the show is over. His façade is peeling off, and now he’s caught, like a deer in the headlights. He just wanted to be happy, he just wanted things to work out the way he’d hope for; to restart, to move on, to _forget._ He desperately wants to forget.

“So… I guess I’ve been some sort of compensation all this time…”

Her words catch him off guard “W-what. Shion. No—”

“I-I mean it makes sense, since you obviously can’t have her, cuz she’s already with someone else. A-and it just so happened to be with your _best friend_. S-so you just _u-used_ me as something con-convenient.... as an _alternative_ and, and…”

This time, he picks himself up from the bed and hurries towards her, his arms ready to hug her and comfort her, like what any good boyfriend should do.

“Don’t… Touch me. Please.”

He doesn’t.

“I… I have to go. I-I’m…” He broke her, _he_ broke her.

He doesn’t even make an effort to stop her from leaving or convince her that it had all been a slip of the tongue. He doesn’t explain nor does he defend himself, he just, he just… lets her walk away. Let's her leave like everyone else did in this damned life of his.

All his life, they’ve walked away and left him, alone. Because of some stupid fuck up he can’t stop doing. Because that’s what he is, and what he always will be. A failure, a sick bastard who uses women to make him forget about that one damn woman he can never have.

He doesn't-- doesn't deserve _anyone._

Doesn't deserve _her_ or Shion, Hell! He doesn't deserve anybody.

So, in the darkness of his room, he bends over and cries.

***

“I’m gonna buy her a ring”

His friend confides in him while they’re lounging on the couch, drinking to craft beer and binge watching some Netflix show since this morning.

“What?” Unbeknownst to him, his words drip creeping poison onto his naked heart.

“I mean, it makes sense. We’ve been dating for three years now. And I thought about it. Like really thought about it. But then it hit me. That everything about her doesn’t need all that much thinking. She’s simple and perfect and she makes me happy _._ And I love her. I love her so much, that it scares me, actually.”

Never in his life has he ever heard his best friend utter that many words in a single sitting. Gone were the days of his doubtful aura, his hostile attitude, and his brooding persona. Now, he’s never seen him this bright before. Hinata has kindled something within him that his past girlfriends had never dared to explore on. His bastard best friend was actually… _happy._

“So, what do you think. Should I do it?”

… But why does he feel resentful towards him. Why can’t he just be _happy_ for him?

 _Say something, encourage him. Tell him whatever happens, that you’ll always have his back. Like the best friend that you are_. His conscience coaches him from the back of his mind, desperately trying to spit out the right words needed in this crucial conversation.

 _Tell him, tell him that you’re happy for him. Cheer him on, pat him in the back and tease him like you always do._ But all that comes out of his mouth is nothing. No words, no praise, just nothing.

But _what_ should he tell him? That he’s in love with his girl? That he’s been fantasizing of her ever since he laid eyes on her? That, for once in his life, he’s finally found someone who makes him feel warm and happy. That Hinata had been the first — probably the only girl, to have ever reached his heart in a way he can never really fathom.

Does he tell him that her smile drives him crazy and that her laugh is the best damn thing in the world. Or that he always finds himself staring at her eyes whenever he has the chance, because she’s just that gorgeous, that it’s almost impossible for him to steer clear from her. Or that whenever she’s with him, it reminds him of those cozy morns that he used to spend with his family, before life got cruel and tore them away from him permanently, and that whenever she’s near; his doubts, his fears, and shadows of the past all dissipate in a blur mist, because of how warm and bright and _comforting_ she is. Almost like how the sun chases away the leaden skies.

Whenever he’s with her, he’s in a sunny place.

And ever since the day they met, he’s been yearning for that sunny place more and more.

He wants her, he wants her, _so much._

He looks at his friend and stretches out his arm to pat him on the shoulder, and with his head held high, he straightens his eyes at him and says firmly;

“Do it.”

But he’s already too late.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> This was originally supposed to be a one shot, that's why the pacing is a tad bit fast, but I got carried away so... the pacing still feels a bit fast but ehhh, a story's a story.  
> TW: If you're a hardcore NH shipper, things aren't going to get any better, i'm sorry...  
> Please don't attack me for hurting Naruto... I promise, I love him. But, this is, after all, just a FICTIONAL story, so I hope it doesn't trigger you in any way. Thanks for reading :)


	4. Dr. Haruno

Months passed since Sasuke proposed. They’re engaged and happy, and he feels like shit.

So, he turns to the next best solution he could think of;

“Children's Mental Healthcare Clinic”

Blue bold letters plastered above him, he takes a step in and he’s welcomed with a secretary behind the desk.

“Um, excuse me. I uh… have an appointment with… Dr. Haruno?”

The secretary gestures him in towards her office and is immediately greeted with bright, pink hair and jaded, crystalline eyes, peering up at him with absolute mirth.

“Naruto! It’s been so long!”

The two friends wrap each other in a big, tender hug, a refreshing long-lost bond rejuvenating his dispirited mood.

They then detangle themselves from each other and Naruto settles himself a seat behind her desk, silently amazed by the professionalism oozing from his friend.

“Damn, Sakura. You’re like this big business lady I see on T.V. You’ve really been treating yourself good.”

She corrects him with a cough, “Uhm, _doctor_ , Naruto. Not Business Lady, _Medical Doctor_ , thank you very much.”

Thoroughly impressed by her superior aura, he chuckles at her correction and waves her off with a bright smile.

“So, why are you here, by the way? Didn’t think you’d be needing a therapy session because this _is_ a _Children’s_ mental healthcare and last time; I checked you aren’t really a kid—"

“What? Nah, nah. That’s not why I’m here, I mean. It’s close but like ehh, you know what. How about I ask you a question? To cut things short.”

Her brows furrow at his declaration. “If you’re here to ask me out on a date. I’m way over that. That was _high school,_ Naruto. _High school”_

“What?! No fucking way! That’s not why I’m here at all! I was a stupid kid who was chasing after some stupid g— Ow! What the hell?!”

After giving him a hard blow to the head, she reverts back into that professional image, and sits poised behind her desk, hands innocently crossed in front of her. “You were saying?”

He composes his thoughts and gathers himself with the last kernel of rationality still left inside of him. The bits and pieces of his heart laden in front of him as he speaks up and laments to his long-term friend.

“I need your help. I’m in deep shit right now and since, you’re an expert to this type of thing so um….. W-what do you do to stop yourself from falling in love?”

This question strikes her off guard, she lifts her eyes in amusement, utterly shocked by his sudden interest. Then again, he was always known to be so forthright, even when they were kids.

“Falling in love, huh? Well, when people fall in love, the brain stimulates all these chemicals simultaneously, it’s almost impossible to keep up; there’s dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. There are like a dozen more, but basically, all of these chemicals just fucks with your brain and forces you to go mad with lust and attraction, causing your emotions to go absolute haywire and—”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re smart. I get it. Just cut to the chase, how the hell do I stop this?”

She rolls her eyes in blatant disregard.

“That’s the point, genius. You _can’t._ You can’t just fall out of love all willy-nilly. It’s hypothetically impossible.”

“You know what; let me rephrase that for you — seeing as how you’re not taking this seriously.”

He shifts in his sit and levels himself with her, eyes serious and desperate for an answer.

“But, what the hell do you do to stop yourself from falling in love with your best friend’s girlfriend?”

A long pause dangles in the atmosphere. The silence loud enough to make them hear a pin drop.

“Y-you’re what…?”

Naruto rubs the bridge of his nose, overly stressing out from his unstable emotions that were now wreaking havoc all over the place. _Fucking dopamine._

With a deep breath, he huffs out all of the accumulated stress weighing in his lungs, a new reenergized look of concentration flows through him.

“How’d _you_ do it?”

Appalled from his question, Sakura raises a brow at him. “What do you mean by that?” She counters his question.

“I mean,” He gazes sternly into her eyes, determined and _in need_ of an answer, even if it were to cause him his head.

“How’d you move on from Sasuke?”

They’re silent. _She’s_ silent. Taboo, this had always been. A name ridden from the light of day, especially to her.

Expecting a blow to the head, he shields himself with his hand and dares to take a peek at the pink-haired doctor. Her face printed blank and expressionless.

She sighs deeply before answering. “That was different.”

“No, it wasn’t.” He bites back, unfazed.

“Yes, it was. I was…. I-I wasn’t in love with him.”

“Yeah? Says the girl who had a die-hard crush on him for the entirety of high school, _and_ had her wish granted when she started dating him in college, but then eventually—”

“Okay, okay! I see what you mean!” She blurts out. “Okay, maybe I _was_ in love with him, but not the way you think…”

“How so?” He knows he’s entering dangerous territory but if it brings him to his answer, then he’s willing to risk it.

Sakura relaxes on the seat she’s in, emerald eyes peer at him with deadly intent. He knows he’s fucked up but this topic had always plagued him ever since college.   
  
  
“Maybe, maybe there was a time that I was in love with him but… looking back. I was so _enamored_ with him, that I-I….. almost lost myself.”

A minute passed and neither one of them spoke, at least until she breaks the silence and begins to tell her story.

“Y-you remember back in high school. I was sooo hung up on him, it was like I was high on drugs or something.”

He nods in agreement.

“Then that was the time when Itachi hung— sorry, I-I meant, when Itachi p-passed away…” A memory neither of them were too fond of reminiscing. Itachi had always been the best role model Sasuke had looked up to, that when the announcement of his death had come; the Sasuke they knew had been gone ever since. 

“Sasuke was devastated, s-so I stopped chasing after him, stopped being so clingy and annoying. I eventually gave him some space. And I waited, I waited to shoot my shot because I knew it was too soon. But I still clung to my feelings like the ignorant little school girl that I was.”

“Then, college came around and you changed him for the better, so I thought, that maybe, I could do that too. Have him to finally see me as a woman and hopefully change him the way you did to him. Have him smile at me the way he used to or laugh like how things were.”

Sasuke and him had been through it all, from his brother’s suicide to his godfather’s murder, they had each other. Amidst all the chaotic turns in life, they always, _always_ had each other. Never once letting the other down. Just two broken souls against the world.

A couple of best friends that life had fucked with. Best friend’s even from the beginning. Always have been, always will be.

“So, I chased after him and as I did, I got blindsided on my own path… but then I remembered; Hey, he’s worth it. I know he is. Everything about me always, _always_ revolved around him. The length of my hair, how I dressed, I was obsessed with him it was ridiculous!” She shrieks out mid-sentence, giggling emptily at the memory. “He eventually got tired of me running circles around with him though, that I finally got the chance to date him and well,” She chuckles into a pause.

“Not what I had been expecting but it’ll do. I chased after him for so long, I convinced myself it was worth it. The private hugs, the reserved kisses, the distance he’d maintain whenever we’re out in public. I-I get that he’s a reserved man but h-he wouldn’t even talk to me about the simple mundane stuff, like how was his day, what are his plans, how’s his studies, all that couple shit. Turns out, I-I gave up everything just to be with him, that I unconsciously gave myself up in the process.”

“I worked so hard to get to where I got, and I just kept on wondering if it was all worth it. I can’t fucking believe I settled for the bare minimum, h-he barely even made time for me! A-always making up excuses t-to fucking not be around with me. That I kept on blaming myself, maybe something was wrong with _me._ Maybe _I_ wasn’t enough. Maybe, maybe.…”

Tears threaten to fall from her eyes and he sees this as a signal to perk himself up towards her on the other side of the desk, lightly stroking her back in gentle circles. He knew how toxic their relationship had been back in uni, yet he had simply turned a blind eye at them, solely focusing on himself for those corrupted years.

He hushes her and doesn’t pressure her to continue. For the majority of college, her and Sasuke had been walking on eggshells and he was dumb enough to not intrude. He’s always wanted what was best for his friends, so he never dares interferes with their love lives.

Look, where that got him.

A few more words of encouragement and reassurance, he props himself back on his chair and looks to her with sullen eyes.

 _Maybe_ he shouldn’t have brought up that topic so nonchalantly, after all.

“Maybe, in a way, it _was_ my fault. I just kept pressuring him, especially when his feelings were still too vulnerable, he still wasn’t ready for that sort of commitment, t-that I never took him into consideration a-and—"

“Hey, hey. Sakura, whatever he did to you, whatever you two went through and no matter how many times you relive it, no matter how many times you blame yourself for it; it won’t change shit. Love— _life_ in general, just works that way. Sometimes, you work so hard towards something, you work so damn hard to try and _reach_ for that something, that in the end, you can never always get what you want. And that’s okay. That’s perfectly okay.”

He hadn’t realized he’d been talking about himself, all the struggles, the clichéd bumps in the road, the hard knock life he’s been living, all boils down to one prime factor;

Life is shit. And nothing could change that. 

Though, on the plus side, at least he has friends! He has awesome memories with those friends, he has an apartment to live in, a bastard best friend, he has a mediocre job; yeah okay there’s that. But at least he’s being paid!

God, has he settled for the bare minimum, as well?

“Plus! You got a bombass life now! You’re a doctor— a hot and single one at that.” She gushes at his teasing.

“You’re swimming in dough and you have this really cool mental healthcare center that’s been helping out kids since you built it! You’re rocking at life right now and yet you’re still in your mid-twenties! Pretty awesome if you ask me.”

She sniffles away her tears and looks up at him, thoroughly pleased with his words of comfort. The tears on her cheeks are wiped away by the sleeves of her suit and for once since what felt like forever, she smiles at him, bright and grateful.

“T-thanks, you really have a way with your words sometimes, huh. And here _you_ came to my office, asking _me_ for advice, when you could’ve just done that yourself.” They chuckle at this wholeheartedly. Slowly diverging their topic back to the matter at hand. 

She’s a bit hesitant before she pushes him to answer, and he notices this, he then gives her a curt nod and encourages her to continue.

“By best friend’s girlfriend… do you mean Hinata?”

Funny how one name can slash a thousand daggers into your heart without them even knowing. A name he’s avoided since the mention of their _engagement._

He lets out a hollow laugh. “Yeah, pretty dumb, really. Being in love with your best friend’s girlfriend— sorry, _fiancé._ Your best friend’s fiancé.”

The word reverberates around him like a broken record, forcing him deeper into his unending limbo.

She winces at his sorrow, letting out a somber “Yikes” from her mouth.

Yikes indeed.

Their wedding is next Sunday and it feels as if his chest was about to fail on him. His lungs are imploding and that corrosive venom gnaws at him with its spindly roots, creeping up at him day by day, wrapping him around their grotesque fingers, until he’s completely vulnerable and has nothing else to do but—

“Did you tell her?”

..…what?

What kind of sick fuckery is that?!

She’s supposed to be a doctor! Not some circus clown! Who in their fucking minds would tell an engaged woman that he has been in love with her, _since they met?!_

“What?” His voice is a mixture of firmness and disapproval. No way in hell was he going to tell her.

“I mean, it is healthy to let your feelings out rather than suppressing them. Burying them in for a really long time can be very toxic for your emotional health. If you keep this up, someday soon, shit’s gonna hit the fan and everything _will_ blow up in your face, Naruto. It’s not healthy”

Sometimes, he forgets how ridiculously smart his doctor friend really is.

“B-but that decision is completely up to you! I am not, absolutely _not_ held accountable for whatever happens next, though.” She confirms him, clearly not wanting to be apart of this whole shenanigan.

He honestly doesn’t want to be a part of this either, he just wants everything to be buried under the rug as if it never existed, but what the hell. He loves her, more than he planned to, and now he’s about to watch her get married, to his fucking best friend.

Life is great.

“Well? What do you plan on doing? The wedding’s next week.” She so casually reminds him, as if he’s not been hiding from the slap of reality for the past few months!

He grits his teeth and groans. “I know.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“What’re you gonna do?”

“That’s why I’m here! For fuck’s sakes! I thought you’d do your mumbo jumbo therapist skills on me and make me magically forget that she existed!” He waves his hands around, gesturing to what looked like a swinging of a string.

“I’m a therapist, not a hypnotist, idiot. I don’t do that.” She chastises.

“But I just want to forget! That’s it! That’s all I fucking want! To forget about her, her face, her smile, her laugh, her adorable fucking blushes and the way she twiddles her fingers when she’s scared.” He’s losing himself; he can feel it. His emotions are all over the place and he’s slipping, he’s slipping so _far_ beyond salvaging.

“Or, or how _warm_ she makes me feel. Or that cutesy way she ties her hair in ponytail and the way she bites on the bottom of her lip and— _Fuck!_ ”

The loose ends are untying and he’s unravelling in front of her, the way she unravelled in front of him a few seconds prior. That’s the benefits of having known each other for so long, you get so used to how damaged and imperfect they are, that once they shatter in front of you, you don’t hold back and merely sit back and witness as they do.

He wonders what Hinata would think of him if he were ever to unravel to her this _needy_ side of him. This hidden side of him that he’s been burying every time he’s with her, all for the sake of Sasuke. For the sake of their friendship. Every time he held himself up before he breaks apart because of her, because he’s just so damn in love with her, he can’t take it, he doesn’t understand it. Why _her_ of all people? Why _her_ of all the billions of people in this damn universe? Why her?

Why _her?_

“That much, huh. I know how that feels.”

Her words break through his trance and send him back to her office, still fazed about his relentless thoughts.

“Sometimes, I still cling onto this picture-perfect image of him I’ve constructed in my head, but as soon as I do, do you know what I do next?”

“What?”

“I wake up.”

What she doesn’t get is that he’s been trying to do that too, for years now actually. But he always finds himself drifting off back into sleep, back into his dream, coping from reality with this picturesque fantasia in his head.

“Take it from someone who’s been in love for years and had to literally have her heart broken just to realize it. You can never really move on, that is until unless you’ve accepted things. Acceptance. Recognition. Recognizing one’s emotions is always the first step to everything.”

He doesn’t want to; he desperately doesn’t want to.

Accept that his best friend is marrying the girl of his dreams? That he can do.

But accepting the fact that _he_ isn’t the one marrying her and to now forever succumb to this god-awful reality of being a sad, broken-hearted prick is something he _cannot_ do.

_It’s time to wake up, Naruto._

“Maybe you could think up of some things to distract yourself.” Sakura speaks up and stares at him, concerned. He had been quiet for quite some time.

“Distract myself? Distract myself how?”

She picks herself up from her chair and heads for her stack of books by the shelf, scanning through each of its spines one by one, she stops at a certain book and pulls it out of the shelf, opening up to a page he can’t quite make out.

She smiles softly at the page in her hands. “Remember when you said you wanted to be in the military? Back when we were in High School, you kept bragging about how you’d get strong enough to fight for your country and have everyone recognize you in all of your glory.”

A memory so distant, yet so fresh in his mind. A dream he had to give up because he was broke and was now an adult to recognize how silly his dreams were in actuality.

He nods, reminiscing. “Yeah, boy was I the loud mouth, huh? I could still remember the way Iruka sensei kept reprimanding me for being a delinquent.”

“And remember when you climbed the flag pole just so you could prove to everybody you’d make it? Iruka sensei was _pissed.”_

They laugh incessantly at his past antics. More memories of his past delinquent self kept resurfacing as they recalled each of his actions by heart. Oh, how the years had passed too quickly.

They pause for a while after animatedly recalling more of their past, as she looks down to the floor with sullen eyes, “If you don’t mind me asking, why didn’t you join?”

A question he heard multiple times, so this wasn’t new. “I was broke. Plus, the only person who could give me a roof over my head was Sasuke, and if it weren’t for him, I’d be dead in the streets by now” He answers nonchalantly.

Though, she merely shakes her head in response, clearly not accepting his feeble answer. “ _Broke?_ Like I’d believe that. That never stopped you before, what’s the difference now?”

He’s not in the mood for this. He’s _never_ in the mood for this sort of discussion.

“What happened to that determine young boy? Who kept pestering to everyone that he’d _make it big_ someday and that he’d have everyone salute him? What happened to his determination and that he would never _go back from his word,_ huh? What the hell happened to—”

“What _happened_ was that I got my ass handed down to me when I was 19. That’s what it is.”

She stops to look at him, confused and shock written all over her face. This was news to her; she hadn’t heard of this before. Since when did _that_ happen?

“Remember Jiraiya? My godfather who got shot? Yeah, I was pissed, I was so fucking pissed that I tracked down the killer. Took me a few months to lead me to him but I eventually found him. His name was Yahiko. Goes by the name Pein, a bounty hunter who was paid to murder my godfather for his debts.”

He doesn’t stop, the memories of those orange locks, his dreaded piercings, those soulless eyes, staring him down while he was pinned to the ground, without anyone there to help him out, no one there to defend him or stand up to him. All because of how inflated his ego had been at that time, completely convinced he could’ve _actually_ won that fight. He almost lost his life that day.

“I hunted him down. I was so fucking mad, I had to do it. All I could think of was Jiraiya and how he’d been disrespected. I needed to honor him, _defend_ him, like the military man that I was going to be in the future.”

He remembers marching into that empty alleyway, knuckles cracked, head determined, the face of that bloody guy taunting him from that far end.

“I made a promise to Jiraiya that day and told him that I’d beat the crap out of this guy, all for him, all for his honor.”

“….And then what happened?” Suddenly too quiet to have interrupted his story, Sakura breaks out of the spell and questions him to continue.

The memory of being beaten into a pulp flashes into his mind, alone, dishevelled and _losing._ He was _losing._ He was dead meat. He was about to _die_. Fists kept hurling towards him, bruises on his cheek, blood trickling from his temple, he tried to wait for help, cried for it, waited and waited;

Yet none came.

Of course, no one came, he hadn’t told anybody. But he needed a silver lining, he was in the gates of death before Yahiko threw him to the ground and spat in his face. Inaudible words were barely recognizable and all he could do was lie there and wait for nature to take its course.

It never happened though, since he had been seen by some hobo in that alley and threw him a bottle of water to wake him back up. He looked around and realized, he lost.

He lost his wallet, apparently too. He lost the will to move on. He lost to the promise he made to Jiraiya, thinking he could’ve stupidly beaten the crap out of those guys. He lost a lot of blood. And along with it, his dignity.

His dignity _crumbled_.

Military, my ass _._ He couldn’t even beat up _one_ random guy in the streets and he expects himself to beat up _hundreds_ of armed men in the battlefield?

Both his skull and dreams were broken that day.

“Damn,” Sakura mutters under her breath. “I remember you got beaten up pretty badly one day but you never told any of us that _that_ was the reason. You said you were mugged.”

He shrugs. He needed a reason to hide his shame and adding flames to the fuel certainly wasn’t an option. He never told anyone about that incident, until today.

“Yeah, well. Now you know, I’m not joining the military because I was a failure of a godson and I couldn’t even—”

“Seriously?” She rudely cuts him off before immediately continuing, ignoring his annoyed look. “You’re not joining the military because you’re _guilty?_ What in the actual… And here I thought you were a determined kid. Turns out, no matter how many degrees you’d get, you still end up wrong sometimes.”

This didn’t sit right with him. “Okay wow, low blow but you don’t have the right to tell me—”

“Tell you what, huh? That you being guilty over your godfather’s death, that had absolutely _nothing_ to do with you, is ridiculous? That I can’t call you out for bullshit like that? Grow a pair, Naruto. That wasn’t your fault, you never _broke_ a promise, he never knew about that promise in the first place! Stop pinning this all on yourself. Yeah, you made a mistake in the past and yeah you were dumb enough to actually start a fight with that guy. But you said it yourself, didn’t you? That life’s shit and no matter what you do about it. Nothing will change. Why stop now?”

“Because—”

“Because nothing, _idiot._ You’re a grown man and you’re like, almost in your thirties, sulking over a girl, who isn’t even yours, and now you’re giving up on a dream all because you lost in a fist fight. I don’t know what to tell you, but right now, your life doesn’t look all that good.”

He stops, quiet, sulking and realizing, that _she was right._ He’d given up on his dreams all because no one had been there to push him forward, no one had been there to defend him from the fight and no one _would_ be there to defend from more of his fights, all _but himself._

In the end, all he’ll have is himself.

No heroic jump ins, no abrupt confessions, and last-minute words of farewell.

Only himself, only ever himself.

The minutes tick by and they continue to exchange of ideas and advices. Sakura talked him in joining back into the military. They then bask in the sunlight pouring in from the crevice of her window. Wanting to quiet his brain, he stands up from his seat and motions to wrap his arms around her, utterly grateful for the immense help she’s given.

“I’ll reconsider. I um didn’t know I needed that until now.” He admits, he’d been delaying that idea to the very back of his conscience, not wanting to relive the memories of that horrible days.

“Good, I know you can do it, soldier. I believe in you; _we_ believe in you.” Sakura then picks up the yearbook she had picked from her shelf and opens the page to where their class photo had been sticked. All of his past high school friends were in the photo, along with the old gang. Rookie 9, they had named it. Him, Sakura, Sasuke, Ino with Shikamaru and Chouji and Kiba with both Shino and Sai. As rowdy as they were, they were a family, a big and happy one.

“Thanks, I’ll think about it.” He pauses before he’s in front of the door and reaches for the knob but stops mid-air and speaks again. “…And I’ll think about what I’ll do with _her_ too, you’re right, bottling all of this up doesn’t feel _… right_ , I-I might need to do something about this”

Though, before he leaves to open the door, she calls out to him one last time;

“Naruto, whatever your decision is, whether you tell her—or _not_ tell her, for that matter. Please, _please_ be careful.” Her eyes wander to the outside of her window, her face deep in thought. “I saw him, at his party, a few years back. A-and I’ve honestly never seen him that happy, since forever, really. And, I’m happy. I’m happy that he’s happy and that alone is enough.”

This time, she looks up at him more sternly, all cheeriness from their previous bickers all fade into the quietness in the atmosphere, her eyes ablaze with intent.

“Whatever you decide to do, just make sure no one gets hurt. Okay?”

He nods in reassurance and makes his way out of her office with renowned determination.

What she hadn’t known is that he’s been hurting since they met 3 years ago, but that he’ll never tell. 


	5. Claddagh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Angsty ending :D

"You're going where?"

Sasuke asks calmly as he watches Naruto pick up his boxes of clothes and other essential, all too busy to even be bothered.

He pauses for a while, chuckling lightly at his roommate. "I told you already, I'm moving out."

"Why?"

"Why not?" Coming to a halt, Naruto stops his packing and turns to his best friend with a desolate smile etched on his face. He invites him to sit down beside him, voice on edge and hands clammy from the tension.

If he were to experience more of this pressure weighing down on him, he might just explode volcanically.

So instead, he heaves in a deep sigh, the thickness in the air coating his lungs and nostrils. Breathing in and out, he faces his best friend, feigning a smile of relief in front of him.

Just like what he's been doing for the past three years.

"I'm thinking of joining the military." He admits and notes the sudden shift of expression.

Sasuke's brow raises quizzically. "What?"

"Remember back in 3rd grade? Back when I was this little piece of shit who wouldn't shut up?"

"You still are."

"Okay, fuck you." Naruto berates back. "Look, I'm serious here. I visited Sakura a few days back and I guess you could say, she _advised_ me to."

"Wait, Sakura told _you_ to join the military? And leave Konoha? _Why?"_

_Because I'm in love with your fiancé, you fucking idiot._

He shrugs him off and refutes back. "Why not? I mean, I'm a full-fledged adult. Two years tops and I'm gonna be 30. _30!_ That's like half of my lifeline already." Naruto perks up from his seat and begins prancing around the bedroom, his fingers threading through his blonde locks and pulling them lightly from the tension.

"Plus, you're gonna be marIried now and I'm still single as heck, I have an awful job with minimum wage. And..." He huffs and plops back down at the couch opposite from his friend, drawing out a heavy sigh.

"I just want to do something with my life, you know? I want to rekindle that little child in me, that tenacious kid in me. I-It's like he died down years ago. I wanna be _me_ again, dude. I just wanna be.... _happy."_

He whispers the last words, small enough for his best friend not to hear.

In this modern world, happiness is too complex of a word to even fathom. Some find happiness in the littlest of things, while others find happiness in the people they love.

But to Naruto, he simply wishes to find happiness within himself.

His world crumbled long before Sasuke even arrived and it crumbled even more when Jiraiya got shot. Now, he's seeing the love of his life be married off to his best friend and life _still_ wouldn't give him a break.

If you want it, work for it. He'd say to himself.

If he can't find happiness with someone, then at least he'll find happiness by himself.

It's not like you were required to _be with_ someone in order to be happy. You could be single and _still_ win at life!

Naruto lifts his head and stares blankly at his best friend. He loves Hinata, that he was sure of, more than anything.

But he loves Sasuke, too, more than anything. So, instead of being a selfish prick and break both of his best friend's hearts, he chooses to break his own instead.

"I'm flying abroad after your wedding then I'll be working my ass off and join the military and be the best goddamn soldier this pitiful country has ever seen." He declares wholeheartedly. The more he says it out loud, the more believable all of this will be.

Sasuke smirks amusingly at him and nods at his statement in approval. "Whatever. You're stubborn that way. Just don't die while you're at it."

A mischievous grin snakes Naruto's lips, and an idea sprung immediately. "Awww, you gonna miss me? Hmmm? You gonna miss your best fwenddd?"

And in the blink of an eye, Sasuke punches the side of his arm, eliciting a loud groan from his stubborn best friend.

"Don't die on me got it, soldier?" Sasuke holds his arm out to Naruto, opening his palm for him to reach it.

Smiling widely, he close his hand around his and picks himself up from the couch and beams even brighter.

"I promise, I won't"

* * *

3 days. 3 days until the wedding.

He marches down the streets of the city, prancing about to calm the calamity in his chest. Sleep and long walks no longer calming the beast inside of him.

His heart topples as soon as he sees it. As soon as he sees her.

For a fraction of a second, time stops. Reality ceases to exists and all his eyes are focused on is _her._

The cars turn into a blur and the faces of the people passing by, become a mere mist to his vision.

Because all he can make out is her. All he can ever see is _her._

“N-Naruto! It’s so good to see you, I um didn’t expect to see you here, on this side of town”

Neither does he, really. He was only lingering around to wherever his hazy thoughts would take him to. He looks up and immediately understands what she meant by _this side of town._

Boutiques and jewelry stores are aligned on one side of the street and dazzling displays of gowns, mannequins, necklaces are all proudly displayed on the front side of the window.

He meets her eyes and smiles. “Uh, y-yeah! I came here to buy a um necklace for…” _Shion, say it’s for Shion and that you’re buying it as a reconciliation gift. She’ll believe you._

“…A necklace for… the incoming bride!”

Shit. He is in deep shit.

Her eyes widen for a moment, flabbergasted by his sudden gift. Either weirded out or flattered by his kind consideration, she doesn’t make it obvious.

“O-oh! That’s um, that sounds lovely, Naruto. Thank you.”

“Do you maybe wanna come?”

Realization sinks in like a nuclear bomb in the middle of a wasteland, his words register into his malfunctioned brain. If he could smack himself at that very moment, he would most definitely do it right now.

This catches her off guard, almost like a deer caught in the headlights. She’s silent. A little too silent for his liking. But before he could take back the words that he had so carelessly blurted out, she beams at him and says,

“I’d love to.”

Either the universe hates him so much to toy with him like this, or loves him to an extent that they’d throw him this opportunity of a lifetime. Whichever it is, he’ll take it.

The walk towards the store had been painfully awkward yet slightly bearable as neither one of them could hold up a proper conversation without stuttering, failing or completely dozing off in the midst of their walk.

They arrived in the store, much to their pleasure, a bit earlier than expected, since not that many shoppers had flooded the store just yet.

“Soo, since we’re already here. I, as one of your closest friends, will buy you my parting gift to you before you become a bride.”

He then bows lightly and curtsies in the middle of the shop, circling his arms like how a butler would greet their master. To his satisfaction, she giggles at his awkward attempt at being a weirdo in public and gently shoves him off as proof of her embarrassment.

Giggles and teases exchange back and forth between them and almost like magic, everything had been back the way they were. Throughout the peaceful noon, they conversed and chided with one another, with their little inside jokes, topics of shared common knowledge of shows and movies, along with Hinata’s endless teasing for how bad Naruto’s taste in fine jewelry.

“Noooo, you are _not_ buying a soon-to-be-bride something as pretentious as that.”

Popping an eyebrow in scrutiny, he points to a golden encrusted necklace, with shimmering pearls dangling on the center of the band.

“What? That looks dope.”

Though as carefree as he sounds, he knows exactly what a woman like Hinata wants. Something simple and minimalistic, not too eye-catching for any onlookers and nothing too bold like the one in front of him.

Something elegant and dainty. Something much like herself. Something like—

“That one.”

He says this as he points towards the one on the near end, a single silver chain, simple yet intricate, with a sinuous looking centerpiece, two hands curving inwards, forming a petite shaped heart with its fingers and crown-like figure perched atop it, its cerulean glow capturing their attention, even from a meter away.

Curiously, this draws their attention as the intriguing work of art pulls them nearer and nearer. The sight of the necklace only heightening its beauty the closer the proximity.

“Oh, so I see you’ve taken a liking to the Claddagh necklace.” The sales lady behind the counter explains in front of them.

This catches their attention and are now more enraptured than before. Encouraging the woman to expound further.

“You see, this piece of jewelry is more famously known as the Claddagh ring, a traditional Irish ring. However, the maker experimented with its design and innovated it into a gorgeous looking necklace.” She continues her explanation as she picks up the necklace from its velvet cushion.

“The Claddagh ring represents all three of these symbolizations; love, loyalty and friendship. Love,” She directs towards the heart in the middle, “Is represented by the heart shape in the middle, of course. Loyalty,” Her pointer finger now on the crown above it, “Is represented by this adorable crown adorning the heart. And friendship,”

Lastly, she lays the ornament within the flats of her palms and gently cradles it in front of their curious eyes. “Are those little hands, shaping the heart in the middle.” She ends her story by carefully handing it towards him.

He receives the offer and looks expectantly at his little partner. “Wanna try it out?”

Before agreeing, she first turns towards the lady, asking for approval, to which she kindly accepted.

Willingly, she turns her back towards him and pushes her hair onto one shoulder, revealing her pliant, ivory skin, granting him access to fasten the timely trinket onto her exposed neck. He stifles a gulp.

_Calm down, she’s gonna be married in three days, for fucks sake!_

Strapping it around the column of her elegant neck, he tries and distracts himself from inhaling her floral scent that strangely reminds him of springtime and daisies. He shakes his head and forces his attention back onto her necklace, its sapphire heart rests gently above her collarbone, contrasting its saxe blue stone with her pale, ample skin.

“Its funny, really.” He hears her chortle, “How you chose blue for _my_ necklace, all because it’s the same color of your eyes.”

That thought hadn’t really crossed his mind, to be honest…

“Really? Because what _I_ had in mind was that the blue crested heart made me think of your birthstone. Turquoise, for December, yeah?”

Unexpectedly, a blush laced her cheeks.

“But, if this necklace reminds you of my _dazzling blue eyes,_ then I’d like that too.”

“Na-Naruto!”

A giggle escapes his lips as he finishes linking the two ends together and grips her shoulder to have her look towards him.

Beautiful, just as he expected. The bareness on her neck emphasizes the beauty of the centerpiece, highlighting its simple aesthetic even more.

Hinata takes a peek at the necklace then traces her eyes towards the man before him. The same shade of sapphire looking intently at her. His insides tosses and turns, and the gravity of their gaze weighs on them, heavier than that magnetic pull they felt underneath that kitchen glow. He knows it’s there, and he knows she knows it, too.

It’s unmistakable.

He swallows a cough “A-about that necklace…”

Almost immediately, she snaps back into the present, snapping them out of their reverie. “O-oh, yes! It is stunning. B-but I can’t, really. This is just too much, Naruto. It’s alri—”

“Nah, I insist. Promise. Plus, doesn’t this necklace symbolize _friendship_ or something. At least let it be a reminder to you that wherever life takes you, wherever you are in the world, I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

The corners of his mouth stretch into a proud grin, reaching from ear to ear. His hand reaches out to grab onto hers and for another second more, they hold each other’s eyes, strangely enough; this pacifies his riotous thoughts.

“As your friend, of course.”

It stings him to say this, but he quickly lets go of her hand, forcing his thoughts back into reality, where it perfectly belonged.

The hours pass and they exit the store, with Hinata still proudly flaunting the piece of jewelry on her neck. It took him a while to convince her in acceptin the gift, but with pleading eyes and half-assed comedic threats, she caved.

Along the way back, her attention was solely focused on the phone and her constant texting but in the next second, her eyes fly immediately towards the man in front of them.

“Sasuke!” She exclaims and practically launches herself into the safety of his arms, nestling herself within his chest. They exchange a few light-hearted words and loving gazes as Sasuke (yes, his jerky, emotional range of a spoon best friend; Sasuke) interlaces his hand around her fingers and discreetly plants a kiss on the crown of her hair.

The image pains him yet he ignores it, perfectly practiced. Nothing new, really.

“Look what Naruto bought me! He gave it as a gift, for our wedding.”

Upon seeing this, Sasuke shoots him a hostile look. He knew all too well what jealousy looked like, and it didn’t look pretty, especially on a man like him.

“Ahh, it was nothing. A token of our friendship, that’s all.”

He raises his eyebrow even higher. “Really? Where’s my gift, then?”

“Your _gift,_ was the groceries I bought us last week, pal. Be grateful I took your wedding fees into consideration or else you would’ve been broke and starving in the streets right now.” He bites back bitterly.

He didn’t quite catch it, but he knew he must’ve “Hn’ed” in response. Always a man of few words.

Being the polite friend that he is, he walks down behind them, giving them enough privacy to be disgustingly affectionate with each other.

As they pass down the road towards their apartment, in the corner of his eye, or maybe a figment of his imagination, he sees Hinata’s eyes glued onto him.

* * *

The skies are a bright baby blue and the birds chirp into a melodious hum. Brazen trees dance to summons of the winds, with marigolds and lilacs sprawled along the streets, its heady scent wafting in the air.

A perfect day for a wedding.

His grey Armani suit is embellished with a bright yellow daffodil as his corsage. An eye striking yellow to match with the boyish blonde of his tousled mane.

Caterers and guests frolic along the aisle of the chapel, bustles of excited chatter resonate within the walls.

He doesn’t know what he’s doing, or what his thoughts are telling him; he’s merely obliging to the pathway where his soles take him to.

He doesn’t know when he got here, to a room in the back of the chapel, with big, bright windows opening up natural light to bounce along the surface serenely.

He doesn’t know why he’s doing this, why he’s excusing the other bridesmaids from the bride herself. Why he’s asking for a short amount of privacy to just talk with her, to just be with her. Or why he’s suddenly faced to face with the bride to be.

“Naruto? W-what are you doing here?”

He doesn’t know. He honestly doesn’t know.

They’re silent. They’ve been silent for what felt like an eternity.

Which is ironic, seeing as how he’d give up anything to spend an eternity with her.

But things are different. Life isn’t simple. You can’t always get what you want, no matter how hard you can want it. You can’t always have things go your way, or else you’d end up spoiled and ungrateful. You can’t always have a lifetime of happiness, because then everything would be too sad and unrealistic.

But all he wants is her, just her. Just for a second, just once. Just that, and he can move on.

Just a second and that's enough.

So, he reaches down and kisses her.

On the top of her forehead. An endearing peck.

It’s light and sweet and he thinks that this is enough, even if he can’t have her for a lifetime, he can have her for just this moment; it’s enough.

He’s contented, he’s happy. He lifts his lips away from her face and meets her eyes with a softened look. He parts his mouth to utter out words to what feels like poison;

“Best wishes on your marriage, Mrs. Uchiha."

* * *

An hour later, the wedding commenced.

The traditional chorus of the piano signals them to stand and wait for the bride’s recessional.

Regal and prim, she walks down the aisle, with the ruffles of her dress, pouring down her feet. An iridescent glow bouncing off of her opaline eyes and glittering mermaid dress.

He hadn’t got a good glimpse of her a few hours ago, she had still been in her robe, her make up unfinished and hair undone.

So, he dares himself to give one look at her and his world stops.

She’s beautiful.

Everything about her is _beautiful._

_Here comes the bride._

Her movement is as fluid as the river, akin to a swan floating on the evening stream.

She looked so peaceful, her visage reminding him of the immaculate likeness of the Blessed Virgin herself.

His eyes never faltered one bit.

She was _so_ beautiful.

A pure, unique soul that no mere human nor even God himself could ever recreate.

She was the love of his life.

Even if he wasn’t hers.

“…Do you promise to be faithful to him in good times and in bad…”

The world’s a blur, the church is silent.

“…In sickness and in health…”

The crowd listens in, and their eyes are on them.

“…to love him and to honor him all the days of your life….”

All except for him; whose eye are on _her_ and on no one else but _her._

He catches her gaze and lightning bolts through him. He holds it. For a second too long. Conveying the message of longing and desperation. And as his eyes are locked onto hers, there he sees it.

“I do.”

 _His_ Claddagh necklace, hanging loosely on her neck.

_Love, loyalty and friendship._

A friendship forevermore.

He beams at the newly wedded couple, one more time.

Happiness surges through him, waves of indescribable euphoria crashing through him, his best friend was happy, she was happy.

 _He_ was happy.

The crowd cheers for the couple, applauds and praises reverberating in the air. Petals of flowers falling on the aisle. Songs of wedding marches loud and clear.

If it's her smile he will see, he'll give up anything to see it.

If it's her friendship she can promise, he'll wholeheartedly take it.

If this will become her happiness, he’ll willingly send her off with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was inspired by this sasuhina fic right here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9411984/1/They-Know-Me-Here  
> Last line was taken from Hinata's song "A Winter's End"  
> I'm sorry for the angst, but I hope you enjoyed ^-^ hehehehe


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